Remembering......

As I get older, people around me get older as well.  I know we all know that, but sometimes we forget. For instance, I look at my parents and realize they are no longer the age I am now.  Does that make sense?  As a child, everyone was OLD.  Now I am in that "older" spot, but so are my parents and other family members.  I know we won't all live forever by any stretch, but I am going to make the best of it while I am on this earth.

I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer, but my younger son has been talking a lot about death and dying.  I'm not sure why since no one around us has died.  I try to explain it in childlike ways telling him that your body dies and if you are saved, your soul goes to heaven to be with Jesus for all eternity.  I know at almost 6 years of age that is hard for him to comprehend.   

That made me think a little.

If something were to happen to me, and I were to die today, how would my children remember me?

As I was emptying the dishwasher this afternoon, my older son Ryan came through.  I stopped for a minute, just to dance in the middle of the kitchen with him.  Although I know he probably thought it corny, he obliged, knowing it would make me happy.  Later on, just before I laid down for my nap (I'm on call tonight) he came in to lay next to me and snuggle for a few minutes in "mommy's bed".  I love these moments when all is right with the world, even if it is short lived some days.

I slept for a little while, then got up and made popcorn.  Alex was all about it.  He wanted to be picked up to see the kernels as they popped.  He was giddy with excitement as they began to pop and roll out into the pan.  "Butter and salt mommy", and of course I obliged :)  

Now, I don't give in to every whim, but.....I remember certain things growing up.  Dad putting up a tire swing, that even though it wasn't exactly what I had in mind, it was the best swing on the planet.  And I remember my mom making popcorn with butter and salt (a little more than I use now, but oh it was good).  I remember the hugs and the screaming matches, which are all part of growing up.

I guess what I"m trying to say is that in working to be better, it's not just about getting fit for me.  It's also about being a better mom.  Trying to see things from their eyes, knowing they don't always understand.  I want them to remember me as a loving, caring, carefree parent that knew when to let go and when to hold on tightly.  I want them to remember the giggles and hugs, the endless nights sleeping in my bed when Mike was at work, and the "sure, let's go for a bike ride around the block for the 100th time today".  I pray every day that God will make me a good balanced parent.  And now as I prepare to go to work, I pray the same for all of the new parents.  You will make mistakes, but I pray for balance in your guidance.

Blessings to you all,
Renee

next day...

So,  I love my job.

I really do.

I love delivering babies and hearing the cries coming from their little lungs.

The downside is eating.  I have such a hard time at work keeping on track.  Last night was no exception.  I had a grilled chicken sandwich on the way to work, which isn't so bad.  But when it came time to eat in the middle of the night.....I had a burger and fries.

Yes I did.

Am I proud of the choice I made?   Not really.

Do I resent myself for it?   No.

I'm going back to work tonight, but I will make better choices.  Part of my problem is the fact I didn't get to the grocery.  When I don't get to purchase food, I eat junk....whatever I can find.  I will go tomorrow and get my food for the week.  And,  more than likely, I will have something in the crockpot on Monday that will last me.  For instance, I made chicken last Saturday.  I ate on in all week with rice, adding in some brussel sprouts or peas/beans.  Meal prep is best for me.  I feel guilty if I don't eat it because it's there staring me in the face every time I open the fridge.

So here's to starting over again the next day....because one bad meal/day does not control a bad week.

I will do better.

I will make better choices.

Hope you are having a great weekend.....wherever you are :)

Renee

working to be better

So today as I was running around with the kids, I thought about this.  I haven't blogged in quite some time.  I know it's time to get back to it.  This one though is going to be more about me and ^^^working to be better^^^.   I want to do something that others can see and maybe get a little help on their journey as well.  

Over the last few years I have put on  a lot of weight (until May of 2010), lost a lot of weight (through May of 2011) and gained a little back.  In that time I've had my moments good and bad...eaten well, not eaten well.  Gained friends, lost friends.  I've tried different things, even going back to Weight Watchers, which by the way I feel is the way to go to really lose weight and keep it off.  My philosophy is that your body needs a little of everything, not just a lot of this, none of this, and only a tiny bit of this. Not to say that any other diet is bad for you....they all work differently for different people at different times in their lives.  And sometimes I have trouble with what/when I eat because of working night shift.  There are times I am up for over 24 hours....you can imagine where that takes you.  Eating to stay awake is not good, but sometimes it just happens.  

I'll  be honest.

****shocker alert****

I'M NOT PERFECT

I heard the gasp as you read it.  Ha ha ha.  No really.  I don't want this blog to be the end all, be all about everything diet and fitness.  I do want to do this for myself and others on this journey of life to be healthier and better.  We moms especially struggle with a balance of home, work, family, and personal time.  Do I watch "The Bachelorette" on Monday night  (my guilty pleasure) or do I sit down to plan my meals for the next week/month?

Life is a challenge.

Through this I am keeping myself more accountable on what to do, what to eat, when to get moving, and when to take a break.  I hope to do a challenge group in the fall, but we'll see.  I know a lot of people are doing the new Shaun T thing and people love Insanity, but there are plenty of other products from Beachbody that people can do....something to suit everyone.

I'm hoping you will join me in "working to be better".


Renee