Remembering......

As I get older, people around me get older as well.  I know we all know that, but sometimes we forget. For instance, I look at my parents and realize they are no longer the age I am now.  Does that make sense?  As a child, everyone was OLD.  Now I am in that "older" spot, but so are my parents and other family members.  I know we won't all live forever by any stretch, but I am going to make the best of it while I am on this earth.

I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer, but my younger son has been talking a lot about death and dying.  I'm not sure why since no one around us has died.  I try to explain it in childlike ways telling him that your body dies and if you are saved, your soul goes to heaven to be with Jesus for all eternity.  I know at almost 6 years of age that is hard for him to comprehend.   

That made me think a little.

If something were to happen to me, and I were to die today, how would my children remember me?

As I was emptying the dishwasher this afternoon, my older son Ryan came through.  I stopped for a minute, just to dance in the middle of the kitchen with him.  Although I know he probably thought it corny, he obliged, knowing it would make me happy.  Later on, just before I laid down for my nap (I'm on call tonight) he came in to lay next to me and snuggle for a few minutes in "mommy's bed".  I love these moments when all is right with the world, even if it is short lived some days.

I slept for a little while, then got up and made popcorn.  Alex was all about it.  He wanted to be picked up to see the kernels as they popped.  He was giddy with excitement as they began to pop and roll out into the pan.  "Butter and salt mommy", and of course I obliged :)  

Now, I don't give in to every whim, but.....I remember certain things growing up.  Dad putting up a tire swing, that even though it wasn't exactly what I had in mind, it was the best swing on the planet.  And I remember my mom making popcorn with butter and salt (a little more than I use now, but oh it was good).  I remember the hugs and the screaming matches, which are all part of growing up.

I guess what I"m trying to say is that in working to be better, it's not just about getting fit for me.  It's also about being a better mom.  Trying to see things from their eyes, knowing they don't always understand.  I want them to remember me as a loving, caring, carefree parent that knew when to let go and when to hold on tightly.  I want them to remember the giggles and hugs, the endless nights sleeping in my bed when Mike was at work, and the "sure, let's go for a bike ride around the block for the 100th time today".  I pray every day that God will make me a good balanced parent.  And now as I prepare to go to work, I pray the same for all of the new parents.  You will make mistakes, but I pray for balance in your guidance.

Blessings to you all,
Renee